Feb 29, 2012

I got to hold both Gwen & Avery for the first time, and it was video taped for the telethon for the hospital that the girls were treated at. It is odd that I don't have a day every year to honor or remember it but c'est la vie. We are fundraising again this year hoping to have a donation. I was a nervous wreck, terribly camera shy, but how do you say no to the hospital that has helped save your children lives or your husbands when he was a baby?

At the telethon waiting to be interviewed 

quick pic before the camera came back to us live

Ninja Baby

Rhys our ninja baby was my first not regular pregnancy, in fact its one of those stories you hear about a friend of a friend. Or one that I would never believe was true except it happened to me. I have written this post years ago adding to it over time so it might be a bit all over the place.  

1st Halloween - seemed appropriate that he go as a ninja 

One late February day in 2008 I slipped on the ice on my walk home from work and landed on my stomach. No big deal right? But two days previous I slipped on the ice on my way to work. I really should have know to stop walking to work and take a cab in the bad weather but what can I say, at times I might just be my worst enemy. After my second fall my tummy swelled up a little, but honestly I thought nothing about it and it seemed to go away after a few days.

Well, shortly after what appeared to be a relief of the stomach swelling the residing of the swelling stopped dead and stayed at the amount that it was at. I was starting to get concerned after it was mid March and still the swelling persisted. I was soon leaving on a international trip to visit my great friend who had been teaching abroad, so I wanted to find out what was up. So I walked into the doctor’s office on a mission.

The doctor looked at me and asked “could you be pregnant?” I was certain that I wasn't  and told the doctor my reasons why: that I had been having ‘my regular period’, that I didn't have any symptoms, and most convincingly to me was that I had taken two pregnancy tests in the last few months just because ‘my regular period’ isn't as regular as one would like (with breaks lasting 2-3 months at a time regularly.) due to my issues I was certain that whenever I wanted to have children that it was going to be a long process that involved fertility treatments.

The doctor decided to be on the safe side and give my poor swollen tummy a feeling and to listen in. He, hearing nothing, asked about my family history of cancers and so put me into a meltdown. I was transferred over to the hospital to see a surgeon. Thankfully my wonderful fiancée was able to come with me. For an hour I waited thinking that I was going to be told that I was going to be going into surgery or something worse, praying that I was wrong, that I was pregnant. By the time I was finally able to see the doctor, I insisted that my fiancée was coming in the room with me. Even though the doctor asked several times if I really wanted him there, I knew that whatever the news was I was going to need the help and support from him.

Then the doctor brought us to a small room, asked why it was that we were thee to see a surgeon. After explaining everything she was happy to tell us that I was just pregnant and at most 20 weeks. She got out the Doppler and within a min we heard the heartbeat, then she booked us into an ultrasound for a week later three days before my vacation was suppose to start.

An hour before the ultrasound I got into my family doctor who measured me and said "your measuring 30 weeks, but you know twins run in your family" But my response was you only heard one heart beat. "I only looked for one, anyway you will know in an hour".

At the ultrasound the tech asked why there was such a rush on my case, I explained we needed to work out my due date and I was leaving to go to Japan in 3 days. Quickly she got quiet and said "oh honey, you are not going anywhere this week"

So after a long time of looking at the screen and not seeing anything that looked like a baby to me, she said to my fiancée you might want to sit down. 36 weeks 4 days. You have less then a month to get ready, due date of May 1st.

only ultrasound pic next to his going home pic with our family motto 

What happens when you find out you are going to be a parent in under a month? Panic, depression on some level, and okay this is happening time to get things done and ready.

I loved every second of my pregnancy hoping it would last forever. But our little man decided that April 27th was his day. It was a quick delivery, horrible back labor but I had a wonderful nurse who is my friend's mom who got me the epidural as quick as she could. From water breaking to having him in our arms was 5 mins shy of 5 hours. My future husband, and future mother-in-law were there by my side because my parents were on a business trip in the US. Because she doesn't have a daughter I think it was wonderful that she could be there with me.

So you ask, how can you not know? 2 negative pregnancy tests, loosing weight and getting smaller, "regular periods", and having no symptoms. After having another pregnancy that was completely opposite I to would have a hard time understanding how someone couldn't know. With my second  pregnancy I found out at 3 weeks and 4 days, had morning sickness, felt early movement and was in maternity pants at 6 weeks. With Rhys I didn't even start to possibly show until 7 months, fooled 5 doctors into thinking that it was cancer and only a hospital blood test showed pregnancy. As it was it wasn't until the ultrasound that we knew how far along, because other doctors thought I was only 20 weeks. Ninja Rhys still surprises us every day, I think it comes with the territory of being a ninja.

If you have any questions or are just curious about it all feel free to ask, like I said I have been writing this post on and off for a few years and I might have forgotten something. I find when people first find out about Rhys I get a lot of questions. 

Us

It was pointed out to me that I forgot to post a pic of my other twin Avery and that I forgot to mention their wonderful older brother at all. See, not to eloquent, and after two pregnancies (very different ones mind you but that will be a post for another time) often very forgetful. I can't even seem to carry on a verbal conversation and type anymore...

So a little info about the Broti family? I'm a youngish mom, I was a young first time mom or that is how I felt locally.

I'm married to a wonderful man of 3 1/2 years, we have been together for almost 10 years. He has his flaws just like everyone me too. He was a former 26 week preemie who is loved by a great family. I lucked out in the family I married into and love being a part of it.

We have an almost 5 year old son, Rhys, who was a very happy surprise on so many levels one being that he was our little Ninja Baby but again that is another post for a different day.

We started ttc (or trying to conceive) a second when he was 16 months old, we didn't know it at the time but it would be 2 years to the day on July 24, 2011, before we would get our positive pregnancy test and at 8 weeks along due to spotting and an ultrasound that we found out it was twins. We found out in September that we were going to be blessed with two little girls Gwen and Avery. I can still remember in early December speaking with my mother that I only had 3 weeks to enter the "safe" zone of pregnancy 25 weeks...

On December 8, 2011 at 23 weeks I started bleeding a bit heavily and once my husband came home I went into the hospital were we discovered that I was 6 cm dilated. Thankfully I wasn't contracting, but I quickly was put head down feet up position and handed a phone to call my husband who was at home with our sleeping son. During the night and the next morning we were given all the stats, all the doom and gloom of 23 week twins. After finding out that they each only had 10% chance of making it through the delivery that day I asked the doctor how long she thought I could hold out. 4 days max was the thought. I made it 14 days.

Our girls were born at 25 weeks on Dec 21 and they spent a long 128 days in the NICU.

Now they are all but normal 14 month olds, they have their challenges but they are getting through it. They have bet the odds and I know that they will continue to surprise us.

Gwen Feb 27, 2012

Avery Feb 27, 2012

Avery Feb 16, 2013 (Auntie Kit pic)

 Gwen & Avery Feb 16, 2013 (Auntie Kit)

Avery Jan 2013 (Auntie Mae pic)

  

Gwen Jan 2013 (Auntie Mae)

Daddy cuddles Feb 24, 2013

 Avery & Gwen (Auntie Kit)

                                                                                               

Rhys Jan 2013 (Auntie Mae)

So that is us, "normal" average family that has had some not normal things happen to us a long the way. I hope that I might be able to share some of our stories that might just help others, because I know that hearing from other families is how Matthew and I got through the day sometimes.

It will happen right?

I'm not the most eloquent person out there, I have a hard time writing down how I feel but sometimes I just need to try and this is one of the times.

I know one day I will not think about the girls as being premature.

I know that this is true, because of how my in-laws are around my husband. He was a 26 weeker, but is now nearing 30. Yet, days happen, moments really that I recognize the look in their eyes. Its the look of "wow you made it" "wow you are alive" "wow you are not perfect" and "wow you shouldn't be old enough to make that decision" I looked back on the pictures of our wedding during his dance with his mom and she had the look, I thought I understood it before the girls but I didn't. I do now.

I hope that I can have a day without thinking back to what they have been through. It won't happen soon. Every time I hear Avery talk with her paralyzed vocal cord, give her her medication, see her scar, every time I put Gwen's hearing aids in I think about the healthy babies they would have been if they didn't come 15 weeks early.

I'm lucky. They are lucky. Most 25 week babies have a slue of health issues, and honestly a vocal cord high blood pressure and hearing aids are nothing. They are both alive and will have normal lives, with a lot of doctor appointments now mind you. But they are fine. I feel bad even having these moments because of how well they are doing. But I do still morn the babies that they could have been, the life that they had to fight for from before they took their first breaths.  A year ago today I was at one of my lowest, concerned for my little Gwen. She was on ventilation of some kind since she was 6 days old, spent 61 long days most of them on the oscillator. A scary machine that looks like it was from the 1970's and is extremely loud. Little did I know it, she would be off of it the next day.

Gwen hooked up to the oscillator  

  

Gwen Feb 26, 2012 

Gwen Feb 16, 2013(pic by Auntie Kit)

It always reminds me that anything can happen. Life is full of surprises and even when you don't see it happening. I don't know if it will be this year or in the next ten, but one day I won't look at my girls and think of them as premature babies. It won't always define them, but I think I will always be a preemie mom.